Sad news

I am so sad to share that Jane Margaret was stillborn on July 24 at 2 am. At 41 weeks pregnant, I was excited to go into labor naturally Saturday afternoon, but when we arrived at triage that evening, the doctor could not find a heartbeat.

We are at a loss, since everything looked great at the OB appointment and NST on Friday. Our doctor believes that I had a placental abruption, which combined with blood clots in the placenta deprived Jane of oxygen.

We held her for about three hours after delivery, and several more times before I checked out Sunday afternoon. Jane was beautiful. A full head of dark brown hair. My nose and fingers. A skinny little thing, under 5 1/2 pounds and 17 1/2 inches long.

We have been surrounded by family and friends, and have been holding our little C extra tight these past three weeks. (Have three weeks really passed?)

Here are some pictures of our sweet Baby Jane. I’m sorry if they are hard to look at.

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45 Comments

  1. My heart breaks for you reading this. I’m so sorry. How incredibly shallow those words sound… I’m sorry. May God wrap you in peace in this horribly tragic time.

    She is so beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous hair. Perfect angel.

    Reply
  2. I can’t even imagine how difficult this was. My heart breaks for you! Sending positive thoughts for your healing!

    Reply
  3. I know there is nothing I can say but I just want you to know you are in my thoughts. She is absolutely beautiful and I thank you for sharing such an intimate time in your life. Sending love and hugs to you and your family.

    Reply
  4. I’m heartbroken to read that this happened to your family. Im so sorry. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous photos of your daughter. I’m wishing you all strength and peace as you navigate this fresh grief.

    Reply
  5. I don’t know what to say other than this is awful and unbelievable. Offering whatever small comfort this comment can give at such a devastating time. She’s beautiful.

    Reply
    • Thank you Aramis. I’m so sorry for your loss. (I tried to comment on your blog, but the preview window just kept popping up over and over.) 😦

      Reply
  6. I am so sorry. There are no words. Your little girl is beautiful. I pray for healing and comfort for you and your family. ❤

    Reply
  7. Megan

     /  August 15, 2016

    I am so sorry to hear about this loss. Praying for you.

    Reply
  8. Elizabeth

     /  August 15, 2016

    The photos are beautiful, Momma. I am so very sad to read this update. 😦 Sending you all the best.

    Reply
  9. Jane Allen

     /  August 15, 2016

    I have been thinking of you from time to time. My heart breaks in a million pieces to learn of this news and your family’s loss. Sending much strength your way.

    Reply
  10. I am so, so sorry to read this. My heart aches for you. ❤

    Reply
  11. I am so very sorry. Wishing you and your family healing.

    Reply
  12. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Little Jane is beautiful, and it is very clear from the photos and from your post that she was loved dearly during her too-short time on Earth. Sending love to you and your family during this awful, awful time.

    Reply
    • And it’s probably too soon, but… I had an abruption due to a clotting disorder and lost a daughter much earlier in pregnancy (18.5 weeks), so if you find yourself wanting to talk about it or go down the research rabbit hole later, I’d be happy to connect (I now have a healthy 6-month-old big brother to the daughter that we lost).

      Reply
      • Thank you for sharing. I checked out your blog and look forward to reading more later. I have my follow up appointment with my OB on Tuesday, so I may learn more there. For now all I know is that Jane’s placenta was small and full of “old and organized” blood clots, but a slate of blood tests on me all came back normal.

        We would certainly find it helpful to know whether I have some condition that could cause trouble again for a future pregnancy. One of the big surprises for me in all this is how little inclined I’ve been to dive into the medical literature in search of some reason why this happened. But I imagine I’ll be back to my usual MO before long…

  13. I’m so very sorry–my heart goes out to you. It’s hard to see Jane’s photos because she is perfect and this is not how it’s supposed to be. But I feel privileged to have glimpsed her–she looks like an angel, too perfect for earth. ❤ XOXO

    Reply
    • Thank you. ❤

      Yes, she was born so beautiful – unlike our son, who started out looking like a little alien, and then got cuter and cuter with time. It's like God knew we would only get to glimpse her for a few short hours and decided to make her perfect to start.

      Reply
  14. I’m so sorry for your loss. Your story of infertility and pregnancy helped me through a similar journey. You have touched people without knowing it, and provided support without asking for any in return. I wanted to let you know that this story has touched me too. I send much love for you and your family.

    Reply
  15. I’m so very sorry for your tragic loss; my heart breaks for you. Your baby girl is beautiful. Sending you peace and strength during this so very hard time. Much love.

    Reply
  16. Oh God, I’m so sorry. She is beautiful and perfect and my heart breaks for you. Keeping you in my thoughts. ❤️

    Reply
  17. Oh, she is beautiful and perfect. I cannot express how incredibly sorry I am for your tremendous loss and how deeply saddened I am. Wishing you comfort in this incredibly difficult time.

    Reply
  18. JC

     /  August 18, 2016

    Your photos show what a wide, beautiful smile she would have had. For the loss of all your days with your wonderful Jane, and for hers with you: I’m sorry.

    Reply
  19. Shantuck

     /  August 18, 2016

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I stumbled onto your blog several months ago after receiving a similar diagnosis relating to my fertility. Your story has brought me so much hope when I wasn’t feeling particularly hopeful. I am thinking about you and your family and praying for you to find strength and peace.

    Reply
  20. Oh no. My heart breaks for you. I’m so very sorry you only had this precious short time with Jane. Sending much love to you and your family.

    Reply
  21. Your daughter Jane is just lovely. The pain, heartache and devastation is so raw at the moment. I lost my granddaughter to torsion of her umbilical cord. As one of my dear moms on FB said, “You don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it, because you can’t get around it. It doesn’t get better, it just gets different. Everyday…Grief puts on a new face.” God bless, Big love and hugs to you all…xo

    Reply
  22. Lisa @ hapahopes

     /  August 22, 2016

    Jane is beautiful, and perfect, and I am so terribly sorry.

    Reply
  23. I’m crying for you Momma. Your baby girl is so beautiful. A true Angel.

    Reply
  24. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, Jane. She is absolutely beautiful. Our daughter Kenley was stillborn at 38+4 on 12.29.15. Sending you and your family love and ((hugs)).

    Reply
  25. Jenjen

     /  September 30, 2016

    I am so sorry for your loss. It is hell on earth to experience a loss of a child.

    Reply
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