My sister left today

My sister left today. 😦

She has been staying with us since the first week of June.

She came to campus with me each day for the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy, doing data analysis for one of my projects.

She saw our Swiss Mountain Dog, Lilly, gradually deteriorate from a probable brain tumor, and took over more and more of Lilly’s care, as I became too pregnant to lift her and help her walk.

She stayed home with me when contractions led me to skip dinner with the in-laws, rode with those same in-laws to the hospital after C told them that we had lost the baby, and waited for hours in the waiting room while I was in labor.

She held our precious Jane in her arms, surreptitiously rubbed her tears on Jane’s forehead in a makeshift emergency baptism, and took cherished photos of our baby girl in the hospital.

She took over all dog care (including daily poop and pee clean up), most baby care, and shopping in the weeks following Jane’s death, when getting out of bed was hard and leaving the house unthinkable.

She notified neighbors and caregivers of what had happened to the baby, and handled returns of baby gear, saving us the same uncomfortable conversation over and over.

She wrote and mailed dozens of thank you cards – and addressed over 100 more – for flowers, food, and donations to Jane’s memorial fund.

She cried with us, laughed with us, drank with us, ate with us.


How am I going to do this without her here?

IMG_4399 (1)

My sister at the beach with my husband and little C. Samuel, 4 days after Jane passed

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  1. Sarah

     /  August 18, 2016


  2. I’m grateful that you had such a supportive person to take some of the burden from you during such an unspeakably terrible time of grief.

  3. Jane Allen

     /  August 19, 2016

    She sounds amazing and you two have an awesome relationship. Even if she’s not by your side, she’ll still always be there for you

    • Thank you Jane! She is awesome. 14 years younger than me, but my closest friend.

      Thankfully, she is starting grad school less than 80 miles away, so I’ll get to see her often, but I’ll still miss having her here. ❤

  4. My early loss is no comparison to your full term loss, but each day gets a tiny bit easier. You will come out of the darkness even though it doesn’t feel like it now. And then you will have days – like right now for me – when reading someone else’s story brings so many tears because you feel their pain with them. Sending so much love your way.

  5. Ema

     /  September 28, 2016

    Dear K., I have not checked your blob for more than a year, after I gave up pursuing IVF. I don’t know why I thought about you today—I just remembered you. Your blog was amazingly helpful to me to synthesize information about such a difficult journey. I’ve just read the latest entries and I wanted to express my deepest sadness about your loss. I am so, so, so sorry that you lost Jane.

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