When to try again

And now we arrive at the last of our unpleasant decisions following Jane’s passing:

Decision 10: When to try again.

By way of background for those of you who are new to my blog: three years ago, after an early miscarriage followed by 6 months of unsuccessful trying on our own, I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. I’m a non-responder to stims, having produced only a single egg during medicated IUI, and IVF cycles. Miraculously, we conceived our first rainbow baby C. Samuel spontaneously in between IVF cycles. After C. Samuel was born, we decided to try for #2 via natural cycle IUI. On the sixth month of this, we conceived Jane Margaret.

Some conclusions from our adventures in infertility:

  • I have precious few good eggs left. (One of my doctors predicted that I would go through menopause before age 40…I’ll be 38 next month.)
  • I consistently ovulate one (and only one) egg per month, with or without stims.
  • When we’ve been lucky enough to have one of C’s supersperm catch a good egg, the babies that result are beautiful and perfect (though I can’t say the same for the resulting placentas).  😦

Contrast that with the following advice re: trying again after stillbirth:

  • The American Pregnancy Association recommends waiting several months up to a year to try again after a stillbirth.
  • Dr. R recommended waiting 3-6 months before trying again.
  • Dr. R mentioned a study suggesting that shorter time between pregnancies may be correlated with shorter umbilical cords (part of Jane’s perfect storm), though she acknowledged that the study wasn’t especially compelling.

Having discussed all of these considerations and more, C and I quickly agreed on a decision:

We want to try again as soon as possible! 

We both find the egg scarcity argument more compelling than the emotional self-care concerns. What if I ovulate my last good egg on one of the months that we’re “waiting to try”?!

As it happens, my own body forced a bit of a compromise, since it took 11 weeks for my period to come back after Jane’s passing. My bitchy Aunt Flo showed up on Friday, and on Saturday I got my blood drawn to repeat my CD3 (in this case CD2) bloodwork. Unlike last time, my FSH went in the wrong direction (up to 17.7 mIU/mL). :/

.

At least C. Samuel is optimistic. He busted this song out during a recent visit to Ong Ba’s (Grandma & Grandpa’s) house. Neither C nor I had ever heard it before.

 

The Rainbow Song lyrics:

Red orange yellow green blue purple,

red orange yellow green blue purple,

red orange yellow green blue purple,

makes the rainbow bright bright bright!

.

[Deep breath] Here we go again.

Can we possibly have enough luck left over for another miracle?

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10 Comments

  1. Elizabeth

     /  October 11, 2016

    I love your decision and will be eagerly following you on this next leg of the journey.

    Reply
  2. His song is adorable!
    WE also tried again fairly quickly (with a FET though) and were so lucky to get our rainbow daughter a little over a year after our loss. I don’t think I’d have been any less anxious had we waited longer.
    Good luck!!

    Reply
  3. blueroses99

     /  October 11, 2016

    I had a similar decision to make and came to the same conclusion. I am of the mindset that the pain of losing my son isn’t going to disappear next month, in 6 months or a year, yet my fertility will diminish over time and my heart will ache for longing over the same period. So getting started again is much more complicated than it was before but ultimately the right thing to do right now. Wishing you lots of luck xx

    Reply
  4. I’m glad you and your husband have put such thought into this. I hope it happens quickly and easily. Sending you lots of love v

    Reply
  5. Your son is too adorable. Sending all the fertile luck I can muster your way.

    Reply
  6. Oh, sending huge good-luck wishes your way, and hoping for a very short and boring journey!

    In my opinion the emotional argument is bollocks. Pregnancy after loss is an anxiety trip no matter when you do it. I was 1,000 times more stressed and miserable during the three months when we were medically barred from trying again (after a second-trimester loss with complications) and the six months after that when we were trying, than when I was finally pregnant again. If you and your husband are feeling the urge to try again, and if you’re comfortable with the medical risk/reward tradeoff, don’t let anyone tell you to take time to heal. For me, the best way to heal was by being pregnant again, and you’ll know better than anyone if that’s going to be true for you or not.

    Reply
  7. I’ve been reading along and all of this is so heartbreaking. I’ll be hoping for you.

    Reply
  8. I am glad you followed your guts/hearts/selves in choosing what to do. I’m wishing you ALL the luck.

    Reply

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