Bulletproof

My blog is semi-private; I try not to use names or give overtly self-identifying information, but I’ve also shared the blog with many friends and family ‘IRL’. This means that I sometimes have to make difficult decisions about what and when to share things on the blog…

Like when we find out that we’re pregnant.

.

On Tuesday (10 dpo), I decided to take a pregnancy test. No line. Or maybe a whiff of a line. Could easily be residual trigger shot.

On Wednesday (11 dpo), same thing. Maybe a bigger whiff. Or maybe I was deluding myself.

On Thursday (12 dpo), same. Definitely not pregnant. But when I set it next to the previous two, and squint at it, I kind of see a line. I tell C. “Hey, we’re probably not pregnant, but there’s a whiff of a line. Pretty sure it should be darker at 12 dpo. It’s probably nothing, but I thought you should know.”

On Friday (13 dpo), there is a very faint line. Darker than the previous line, but lighter than I think it “should” be. I decide to use one of the expensive First Response tests. There is definitely a line. At work, I decide to email the nurse practitioner and Dr. Y to see if I should do the blood test a day early. Both reply and say I should.

pee

10 dpo (top) through 14 dpo (bottom)

In between afternoon meetings, I drive to Kaiser for a blood draw. Juan-the-phlebotomist draws my blood and explains that a courier will come and deliver my sample to the nearby hospital for testing, and I should get results in 2-3 hours. After drawing my blood, he lines the tape with a piece of gauze for pain-free removal later, and folds the tape into a little tab to make it easy to pull off. On my way out, I tell the receptionist that Juan is the absolute best phlebotomist I’ve ever had. I return to work and to my meetings.

After my meeting, I check my email and see that there is a new test result. My HCG is 66 mIU/mL. I check on betabase.info. It’s slightly below the median value for 13 dpo, but well within the expected range. I click on a link and discover for the first time that betabase has histograms of beta values for each day past ovulation! My beta value is comfortably in the middle of the distribution.

histogram

So, we’re pregnant.

Conventional wisdom says that we should wait to tell people, but how long?

  • Until we get a few beta values and see that the doubling rate looks reassuring? 
  • Until we see a heartbeat?
  • Until we get a ‘normal’ genetic test result?
  • Until we pass the first trimester?

 

We know better than most that none of those things are a guarantee of a healthy baby at the end. So do we wait until the baby’s out? Probably not practical.

.

I thought of a scene from an episode of Speechless. (If you haven’t seen this show, go watch it on Hulu, or abc.go. It’s adorable – like Malcolm in the Middle with a special needs kid.)

Speechless

In the scene, the dad on the show (his name is Jimmy) is explaining to his middle son why he doesn’t care what other people think, and says that after getting the news that his oldest son will never walk and do other stuff, and then making it through and seeing that same son grow into an incredibly cool person…he’s kind of like, what’s the worst that can happen? Here’s the full scene:

 

I feel kind of like Jimmy. If we tell everybody we’re pregnant after the first pregnancy test, what’s the worst that can happen? We lose the baby and have to tell everybody our sad news?

Yeah, and?

.

At this point, we’ve shared awful news with our friends and coworkers and family and bloggy friends. We (and they) survived.

We’re bulletproof.

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9 Comments

  1. Congratulations! So true. We’ve shared early each time. I always figure that there is really no “safe zone” and I want everyone to have a chance to love and pray for our child. Best wishes for each beta and each milestone. 🙂 God bless.

    Reply
  2. My fingers and digits real and metaphorical are crossed. So true what you say. There is no safe time really. So why not draw on the support and share the hope early. Hoping for an uneventful everything for you and the little bean.

    Reply
  3. Etalanta

     /  March 18, 2017

    Congrats :)!

    Reply
  4. Wonderful news!

    Reply
  5. WOW! What great news! You guys have had way, way more than your fair share of bad luck, so I’m very happy that you finally got some good luck and were able to get pregnant quickly. Here’s hoping for more good luck for, oh, the next 9 months or 2 years or 75 years or whenever you’ll stop worrying about this newest kid of yours (i.e., more good luck forever). Sending big hugs and tons of congratulations.

    Reply
  6. Shantuck

     /  March 19, 2017

    Yay! I was just thinking about you and am so thrilled to see your news! I had two early-ish losses in between two successful pregnancies and my way of coping was to keep mum until I was obviously pregnant at about 16 weeks aside from a few very close family members. It made for some awkward conversations when various friends thought I just didn’t tell them but I had to do what made me feel most comfortable (& that was crawling into a hole and hiding!)

    I am sending all my prayers your way!

    Reply
  7. Jane Allen

     /  March 19, 2017

    I had a patient who suffered a loss at 18 weeks, within a year, she was pregnant again and at the end of her visit (which confirmed viable pregnancy) I asked if she had any thoughts about holding off on announcing. “we told everyone as soon as we had a positive pregnancy test” she declared without hesitation. Then she elaborated. “We knew that we were going to need all the love and support that we can get during this pregnancy and we knew we needed it ASAP. It was an easy decision to announce right away.” It still chokes me me almost 6 years later.

    Reply
  8. Congrats to you! Celebrate and embrace it. We are all here for you. Sending hugs and love!!

    Reply
  9. Schlupp

     /  March 20, 2017

    Congratulations!

    Reply

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